I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
