My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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