i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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