Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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