I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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