at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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