There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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