If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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