i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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