didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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