the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
