my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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