I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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