Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
