Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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