I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
