Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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