I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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