you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
