The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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