she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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