everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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