i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
