So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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