I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
