I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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