I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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