this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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