every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
