I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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