i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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