I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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