you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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