I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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