Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
