just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
