she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
