I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
