his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
