I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
