your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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