I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
