I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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