For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
