I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
