I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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