Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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