This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
