are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
