I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
