The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
