I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
