I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
