i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You've changed since you got that strap on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
