so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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