Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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