Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
