i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
